First things first

Zawadi Lompisha

Last Wednesday, I was travelling in a public vehicle to town from home. The journey was very uncomfortable because our driver was as reckless as he could get; and the sharp brakes, weaving in and out traffic and terrible gear shifting were nerve racking, to say the least.

At some point while in a traffic snarl up, I noticed three cars in tow on the opposite lane, with all their drivers focussed on the screens of their cell phones.

Two were typing out a text, while the other was reading something on the phone — it did not matter that the vehicles were moving fairly fast. I kept wondering how in a split second a lack of concentration on the road could be fatal. A lot of the horrific accidents on our roads are caused by this momentary loss of attention or a lapse in judgment.

In a way, a lot of comparisons can be made between the way our drivers conduct themselves on the roads and the relationship of a husband and wife.

The drivers on the cell phones must believe in themselves so much that they are confident they can control the moving vehicle and focus enough to type out a text message simultaneously.

As I have noted, it could take just a fraction of a second for something to go wrong on the road that requires sharp reflexes. Isn’t this so similar to many couples who conduct their relationships with such reckless abandon that it leaves the relationship very perilous in the event of any mishap? How else would you explain the husband who leaves the marital home and sleeps around with any woman he meets? He has no concern for his health or that of his wife yet just a single encounter with a person infected with a venereal disease and both spouses catch it.

Just as the guy driving while typing out a text message only has himself to blame for an accident, so too is a promiscuous spouse.

Unfortunately, it is the innocent passenger in the car or the driver of another car or the wife at home who will bear the consequences by getting hurt in the resulting accident or catching a sexually transmitted infection. And of course there is the money spent to repair a bashed up vehicle.

It is important for each of the spouses to keep focussed on the marriage to avoid going off track and placing the relationship in jeopardy.

Do you remember how focussed you were when you initially learned how to drive? Your eyes would be firmly glued to the road and you were very aware of any movement around you. Both hands would be holding the steering wheel firmly to ensure proper control of the vehicle.

Over confidence

However, with time, you became slack and now find yourself driving with one hand, the other resting on the window of your car or holding a cell phone. You became less careful about focussing on the road as other things compete for your attention.

I have always wondered why our traffic police do not insist on the removal of all those mini-television screens that are mounted on the dashboards of vehicles.

From a very practical point of view, how is one expected to watch a music video and drive at the same time? Isn’t that endangering other road users?

In marriage, as soon as you allow yourself to be distracted by a beautiful woman in the office or a sensitive man who is more willing to listen to you than your husband normally does, you have already shifted your focus. It is the same as the driver watching a movie on his dashboard.

It is expected that after flirting all day with another woman, you will have no desire for your wife. Equally, can you be expected to open your heart to your husband at home, when you have been pouring it out to another man all day? I do not think so.

If both your hands are not on the steering wheel of your vehicle, do you have sufficient control? Likewise, if one of your hands, metaphorically, is fondling another person, can you fondle your spouse, who by right should have both your hands on them, as they expect you to? It is not possible.

Looking elsewhere

The sad truth is that many husbands and wives are continually diverting their attention from the people they vowed to be with for the rest of their lives. Instead of putting time and effort to improving their marriage, they are expending it elsewhere, leaving little for the aggrieved spouse. Many are the husbands who return home late in the night, after spending time with other women, to a dejected and emotionally bashed up wife. There are wives who will be cold and aloof to their puzzled husbands yet be cuddly teddy bears to some man elsewhere. Can that ever be right?

As I was alighting from that public vehicle, I complained to both the driver and his conductor about the atrocious driving and was met with abuse from both of them. The sadder bit was that nobody else in that vehicle, bothered to raise their voice in my support, despite all of us being in the same danger from a maniacal driver.

As I alighted, I thought about the many spouses who choose to live in a bad marriage without ever raising their voice in protest. “Is that right?” I wondered.

|   |    |    Comment (1) |   Add Comment