Married and hooked to porn


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Last year, I found my husband watching pornography several times. This bothered me a lot and when we talked about it he confessed it had been going on for three years after which he apologised. We have been married for two years so he was watching those movies even before we got married. When we got married he told me he was a virgin but now I don’t believe him because I have heard that it is not easy to watch pornography and not have sex. When we talked about it, he said that it would be a good idea to watch together since we are married but I am uncomfortable because we are born again Christians. We have a good sex life and my colleagues and church friends say that those movies are evil. What do you think about this? Is it okay for committed and married Christians to watch adult movies?

Rachael

Your Take:

Rachael, it may be true that he was a virgin because watching porn does not guarantee sexual intercourse. Some watch them as a hobby and to learn different styles among other things. About watching together as a married couple, it is okay even for Christians since there will be no sin in practicing what you will be watching and each has a responsibility to satisfy the other emotionally and sexually. However, this should be subject to discussion and mutual agreement.

Ali Wanje

I am 25 years and a virgin, yet I have been watching romantic movies and pornography for long. Watching does not necessarily lead to doing. If he has requested that you watch together, find out why he watches these movies. Sometimes to make a marriage work you should invent and try out new styles. Maybe he is trying to put something across.

Macharia

NO! And do not be deceived into join this club. Pornographic materials are evil and only hypocrites and uncommitted Christians do such things. Matthew 7: 21-24 says: Not all that call me Lord Lord. These things are addictive and they create comparative minds among the viewers and some people start looking outside the marriage. Pray and fast so that you do not get involved and ask God to change your husband’s intention.

Bro Augustine Muok

Marriage is the only institution planted by the will of God and anything ungodly within it must be restrained. Satan uses pornography to entice people into lust and adultery. Find out what your husband is up to. It if it is sexual satisfaction then you must be wise especially in the bedroom, otherwise he may try those things outside with the experts . Your marriage may break up and you will be at risk of contracting STI’s. Being a born again Christian, you should be sensitive on what you take in from the outside world. Please go for counselling with him if you cannot handle the matter alone especially from church and learn to have self-control and discipline.

Blicks Oyet

I have been married for 15 years. Though I initially watched pornography with my wife, we kind of outgrew it. Now I watch secretly when I want, which is rare, and I realise that it is really the female anatomy I wish to feast my eyes on. I hope that you are not like my wife whose body is rare to behold even in our bedroom. As for Christianity, we are Christians too. I have no qualms watching adult male and female pornography but NOT same sex, children or animals. Regarding what happened before marriage, try and put that behind you and instead look to the present and future.

Benson

My Take:

This is an issue I come across frequently where couples seek to spice up their sex life by watching pre-taped and commercial pornography. Does it work? Principally yes, but technically no and this is what I like to call short-term solutions to long-term problems. Going back to the beginning, pornography was not meant to be what it is today. In the days of Karma Sutra (part two of which has illustrative images), there have been illustrations of people engaging in sexual activities, tips and short movies. These were mainly to assist couples that wanted to reinvigorate their sex lives. The materials were orderly, professional and positively founded to ensure they were supportive and value-adding to the consumers.

The concept was based on the underlying insecurity and curiosity that lies in humans. Despite satisfaction in one’s performance, there is always a burning desire to know how others perform and vet that against ourselves. The concept was simple: Couples were encouraged to try different sexual positions (especially for women) while for men, it was reassurance about size and sperm volume, which made many insecure.

Today’s industry is different, fully commercial and based on all the evils of society. It is based on three principles; mplied perfection , adultery and homosexuality. Implied perfection refers to what society terms as the best. All pornography actors undergo a highly competitive selection process, whereby everything has to be perfect. I am talking about firm breasts, wrinkle free and tight skin, tender age and physique for ladies, while for men it is about size and muscle. These features help to sexually arouse couples to higher degrees than usual and many have said their sex life has improved as a result of consuming these.

Nonetheless, it creates a dangerous avenue afterwards where a couple may begin secretly comparing themselves and their partners to those in the movies. That is when they realise that the other guy had a larger organ, lasted longer and was more built an observation by both. So the man’s self-esteem is greatly injured when he wonders if she compares his performance, organ size and other things to that in the videos. Again the lady in the movies always seems to get younger while your wife always grows older, has a long nose (which you noticed three years into the marriage), has sagging and floppy breasts not as firm as the other girl’s, has ugly stretch marks and wrinkles all over again an observation by both. This gets worse with time because it is constantly reinforced into our minds that greater satisfaction lies in younger, stronger, larger, sexier sexual partners especially when one takes note of the groans and moans of pleasure from the movies. Slowly those watching start to feel unwanted, unattractive and inadequate hence greatly affecting their self-esteem.

Little do they know that those people are selected, auditioned and short-listed and that mostly for men, only the abnormal in terms of size and physique make it through while for ladies only the young and highly desirable pass. Intercourse may appear longer because these people are put on aphrodisiacs while the pleasure may seem extreme because it is stage-managed.

From a Christian angle, it is wrong because adultery does not only refer to intercourse but also to admiring and thinking about others sexually (Matt 5: 27-30). A potential and tested clean solution is to make your own movies then watch them periodically. It works well because it does away with the comparison and lust as well as produces something that is real, which is more pleasurable to watch than that commercial and stage-managed stuff.

Taurus

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