Auditing your relationship

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By Zawadi Lompisha

At this time of the year, many of us begin thinking about the resolutions for the New Year. It is interesting that whereas we are quick to make new resolutions, few of us take an audit of how well you did with the ones we made early in the year. So why don’t you end the year by taking an audit of how you have done as a husband or wife in the ending year.

For starters, how would you rate your overall performance on a scale of 1 to 10 where 10, is excellent? Would your spouse look back and declare that they have the best mate one would ever wish for, or are they miserable, wondering what they got themselves into by being married to you?

Husband, did you remember your wife’s birthday this year? Congratulations if you did. I hope in addition to your remembering you did something special for her to celebrate it. If you did not, why? Do you perhaps need to put a reminder on your phone for next year? Is it too late to send a belated birthday card? Did you also remember your wedding anniversary?

An investment

How many dates have you had this year? I know the economy has been tight on us, but that should be no excuse for you not to have set aside time to spend together — just the two of you. This is part of investing in the relationship and is a must for any couple to thrive. Where there is no investment, you cannot expect a good return and that will be the same in your marriage.

Living together

Wife, would your husband say you have been a better lover this year more than ever before? I hope you have had fewer headaches and been less tired at the end of the day to accommodate your husband’s advances. If there was need for you to feign illness, have you asked yourself why, and how you can deal with the matter?

What kind of an in-law have you been to your spouse’s family? More friendlier? Did you reduce the snide comments you usually make disparaging them? Did your spouse have to beg and plead for you to agree to visit them?

If you have faced a crisis in your relationship this year, how did the two of you handle it? Did it bring you closer as you tackled it together or has it driven you farther apart? If the crisis emanated from one of you, how did you resolve it? Did it end up being a blame game or did you tackle it as a team, with the partner to ‘blame’ being propped up and accommodated by the ‘innocent one’?

Husband, as the leader of the relationship, what kind of leadership have you offered? Have you been decisive and focussed or hesitant and scattered? Would you say your wife feels she has a husband who she is confident enough in, to leave her destiny in his hands?

Would you rate your relationship with your spouse as an open one, where each of you freely shares their life with the other? Or is it a secretive union where each of you lives independently and jealously guards their personal affairs? If so, why is that? Why is there need for secrecy between you?

How have you deliberately contributed to improving or damaging your relationship with your spouse this year? What are some of the positive things you have done this year that should be continued and added on in the coming year? What do you need to avoid in order to avert further damage to your relationship?

Wife, have you been supportive of your husband this year or are you the thorn in his flesh? Would you say he rates you as his number one fan or his nemesis?

As the year draws to an end, are there issues between you that remain unresolved? What impact are they having on your marriage and do you want it to remain that way? Why are they unresolved? Have you sought help from a counsellor?


Do you need to apologise to your mate? The Bible says that you should not let the sun go down when you have an unresolved issue with someone? How about not letting the year close before resolving the issue? If you are at fault, can you be humble enough to accept your error and seek your spouse’s forgiveness?

In the alternative, are you harbouring a grudge against your spouse? Does he or she know it? Isn’t it time you dealt with the issue and start the New Year on a clean slate? Finally, a quote from Ogden Nash:

“To keep your marriage brimming; with love in the loving cup; whenever you are wrong admit it, whenever you are right shut up.”

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