Fiji has sent home the envoys of New Zealand and Australia, its gigantic neighbours. Commodore Frank Bainimarama, accuses the two countries of interfering in Fiji’s internal affairs.

You know, such mundane matters as the Commodore decision to hire Sri Lankans to replace local judges he sacked in April. If you wonder why this story has a familiar ring to it, labour no more. Apparently, both Australia and New Zealand have travel bans against senior officials in the government in Fiji. Hope M/S Ranneberger and Carson’s hosts are not reading this.

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Palaver is concerned about the figures being bandied about in the name of vandalised Kenya Power and Lighting Company transformers. What happened to the intensive and spirited public education on better use, conservation and preservation of power facilities? What became of the Mulika Mwizi campaign? Did the Mulika torch run out of batteries or was it affected by a power surge? Surely, there can’t be too many people with know-how to vandalise heavy-duty battery packs that high up the electricity poles.

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If it is true a policeman is hospitalised for beatings he suffered at the hands of bribe-shy Homa Bay villagers, then it must be a new definition of Affirmative Action. However, this couldn’t be what former police boss Hussein Ali meant by ‘Community Policing’. Villagers were only supposed to assist officers arrest suspects. Not lynch them!

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There is a silent row among British taxpayers over the burden of thrust upon them by the world’s heaviest man, Paul Mason. He is 44, weighs 444kg and neither walks nor works. The public health scheme spends Sh12 million a month on him in the form of Disability, Employment and Support, Housing and Home Care allowances. Mason, who gobbles 20,000 calories a day, could not attend his mother’s burial two months ago because he was bed-ridden and it was recorded for him on video. Doctors are considering using a Royal Air Force chopper to airlift him to hospital for life-saving weight-loss surgery. The removal alone will cost Sh2.5 million.

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And finally...

For peace of mind of passengers about to board The Hague Express, Michael Pritchard writes: "Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."

palaver@standardmedia.co.ke